Bermuda Eel Rat


The Bermuda Eel Rat is a fictitious species invented by Canadian comedian Harland Williams during an interview on the Joe Rogan Podcast.

Harland Williams: A Canadian Comedy Chameleon

Harland Williams, the Canadian-American actor and comedian, is a whirlwind of offbeat humor and outlandish characters. From his early days in the Toronto stand-up scene to his roles in Hollywood films, Williams has carved a unique niche in the world of comedy, leaving audiences in stitches with his unpredictable style.

Williams’ comedic roots lie in stand-up. His routines are known for their surreal observations, dark humor, and energetic delivery. He thrives on creating bizarre characters and scenarios, often incorporating bird calls, nonsensical voices, and physical comedy. His stand-up success led him to television appearances on shows like “Late Night with David Letterman” and “The Tonight Show,” solidifying his reputation as a rising comedic force.

Williams’ on-screen presence is equally captivating. He landed memorable roles in films like “Dumb and Dumber,” where he played the unforgettable pee-drinking state trooper, and “Half Baked,” where he stole the show as the lovable, yet clueless, stoner Kenny. He can seamlessly switch between deadpan delivery and over-the-top absurdity, making him a versatile comedic actor.

Beyond Hollywood, Williams has lent his voice to numerous animated characters, including films like “Robots” and “Meet the Robinsons.” He even created the children’s book series “Lickety Split,” featuring a dinosaur protagonist, showcasing his ability to entertain audiences of all ages.

Currently, Williams continues to explore his comedic talents through his podcast, “The Harland Highway,” where he interviews guests and unleashes his signature brand of offbeat humor. He’s also the creator of the Disney Junior series “Puppy Dog Pals,” demonstrating his range and ability to appeal to diverse audiences.

Harland Williams isn’t your typical comedian. He’s a master of the unexpected, a boundary-pushing performer who leaves a lasting impression. With his unpredictable characters, absurdist humor, and boundless energy, he continues to be a comedic force to be reckoned with.

Bermuda Eel Rat: Video Text

0:00:00.9 –>
um do you mind if I just dip into uh I brought a little something I have to do it about every 20 minutes I do apologize what is it I have to have an eating thing I have to do really well if you don’t mind no no not at all no thank you oh God what is your eating thing H I’m a little embarrassed but um I have a tapeworm for real yeah like a it’s about almost four feet have you ever had one you really do yeah I never know with you you know I don’t know if I should feel bad or start mocking you well you can do whatever I I didn’t want to bring it I feel bad if it’s true you have a real tape or him I do how’d you get it you think I was in the Galapagos Island recently and uh we they have a a a a Oden over there called The Bermuda

0:01:02.3 –>
eel rat and it’s not it’s not a documented species it’s the it’s the local jargon mhm everything evolves in as you know through Darwin everything evolved over in uh in in the Galapagos the tortoises everything it’s a unique place where Evolution took place and I guess this WAP became a bit elongated its spine and so they call it the came off of originally off of Bermuda like like uh transport ship or something right and so they eat it over there and I ate the damn thing and I got a parasite that led to a tape worm and she’s about a 4-footer what do they do to get out get it out well they have uh pills um but this is I don’t even know if I should talk about this but I was a little odd I sort of got attached to the little fella oh you like having it now

0:02:01.3 –>
well you know we we hear all this talk about you know women and men and men can have babies they’re telling men they can have children got a little baby tape for him well let’s just say I have something living inside me and I sort of like it I sort of like sometimes I can feel it moving around sometimes I’ll put a piece of cheese in the bed at night and it’ll come out and I feel like I have a tail and uh so what I have to do is I have to have to eat celery well what it does it reacts to the vibration of sound and celery’s kind of got the best kind of crunch and it kind of settles the guy down okay just I just need to take a couple of bites okay go ahead sure

0:03:00.4 –>
well if you’re going to laugh have to do this about every 20 minutes for the tapeworm yeah settles them down I think you’re going to a bad doctor I think you’re getting bad advice no I just mean for me for you this is like a self-medicating yeah I think they can get rid of those things man no but what I’m saying I’ve grown attached to Demitri he probably like um you know have a forced labor but I like Demetri yeah but you can’t keep a baby inside you forever the whole idea is the baby gets born and then it goes out hold on Dr Spock these suckers can grow up to 30 feet long mine’s a four-footer can they really get that big how do they know how big yours is would they do an MRI or something well they did we did an ultrasound and they can see the tape see it do you got a picture of that I don’t have a picture handy how do you not have

0:04:01.1 –>
a picture on your phone of that of my kid of little Demitri yeah seems like you’d be really sad if you didn’t have a picture of him I got to bring one in when I come back next week I’ll bring one in tapeworms or CEST stesto cestos can range in length 1 meter up to 50 ft 50 ft dude 15 M the length and width of the tapeworms can vary depending upon the species wow um pork beef fish tape worms can grow to be 15 to 30 ft oh my God and Bermuda eel rats yeah do they have that there how’d that rat taste you know it’s kind of good you know they season it up with the Galapagos seasoning and it’s kind of like blackened catfish but it’s like Galapago seasoning so you think all those people that live there probably have tapeworms I don’t know if they have it but I sure got it they have to have it if you got it that must mean everybody has it unbelievable there’s uh places in the world that like especially like tropical places is where most

0:05:00.3 –>
people have some kind of parasite it just becomes a part of like your body you’re you you now exist with that thing in you forever you know have you ever had a tape worm no I have not you want one no thanks what’s the worst thing you’ve ever had like the worst weird ailment staff infection no way how many people on your staff it was a small business wow yeah wow yeah just one employee what’s a staff infection it’s uh it’s an infection that you get on your skin and uh it’s like a bacterial infection exactly it’s really common in Jiu-Jitsu and uh a lot of people get it and they don’t recognize it Ari actually had it and Ari didn’t know he had it until I pointed it out and we got him to the hospital like right away Ari and I were playing pool and he was limping I’m like why you limping and he goes I got a spider bite and I go let me see it and he pulls his pants up and his knee he

0:06:01.4 –>
has this swollen like pimple on his knee and the puss at the end of it I go dude you have a staff infection I go we got to get you to the hospital right now he goes are you serious is it Le it’s lethal yeah people die if it gets systemic if staff infections get systemic if your body becomes septic like you could die yeah people have died from staff it happens all the time yeah people get it in hospitals a lot don’t they yes and unfortunately in hospitals they get something called Mera and uh Mera is mad medication resistant staff infection wow a lot of black gospel singers get that I hear merca oh that’s Mercy I’m sorry what were you saying Jamie didn’t you say were you didn’t you say something oh I thought I heard you I thought about numbers of people dying staff infection yeah I thought I heard them too how many people a year die from staff infections I think it’s a big number wow I know quite a few people been that have been deathly ill from staff infections had to go to the hospital hospital and

0:07:00.1 –>
get their legs cut open and get their their legs drained yeah yeah it’s a horrible horrible thing to watch like it eats holes in people you’ve watched staff infection surgeries no no no I mean I’ve seen them online uh 2017 the center of Disease Control prevention reported that almost 20,000 people in the United States died from bloodstream infections caused by staff that’s 2017 it killed 20,000 people yeah so that’s the worst thing I’ve had for sure how long did it last didn’t didn’t last very long because I caught it I got real lucky I caught it quick I was at a airport with my friend Tate and I had these little um pimples on my calf and he goes uh he goes hey uh what is that on your calf I go I don’t know nothing and he goes do I think that’s staff I go really he goes yeah you should get it looked at so immediately I went to dermatologist and he’s like yeah it looks like staff and he put me on antibiotics before they even got the results of the test back he put you on it not your cow

0:08:00. –>
my cow I thought you said your calf calf like leg part of your leg that one that one you really went out there with that one that’s the worst thing do you really have a tape word I do for real yes please and what do they they have you on Ivor meon what do they have you on they don’t have they just you can’t get it they all they do is kill it it lives it can live in your system they told me for your whole life right right yeah you ever seen Bears they have them like sticking out of their ass like a [ __ ] hose like a garden hose just hang D you ever seen the uh the worms that come out of praying mantises oh yeah it’s disgusting they’re like they’re like huge they put a praying mantis in water and that bastard must not have been praying enough cuz it’s got a tape worm longer than Dolly Parton’s ass hair not only that those worms those aquatic worms trick grasshoppers into drowning themselves so they could be B what are you doing man don’t do that no the pulp I know but don’t just grab it and put it

0:09:01.2 –>
on the table I know but it was I felt like I was chewing cud well I put it I put it on this other celery okay I would never put cud on your table the celery please well I don’t want Demitri to get upset you need to reach into your [ __ ] and pull Demetri out well you need to like you know like with your shoulders down the ground ass up here just get dude get in there Joseph and give birth Joseph dial it down I’m not going to does he ever turtle on you yes does he that’s why I call him Demitri one night I put out a piece of feta cheese the Greek stuff and he went nuts came out came out huh if you ever seen a uh uh a Burmese python yes I had a lady friend over and I guess little Dimitri got jealous and she I I woke up all I heard was and uh I looked over he was yeah

0:10:00.1 –>
unbelievable how are you laying spooning like where’s her face is it like right where your ass is we spoon upside down so feeling make sense she uses her my nose like a bicycle rack you have to come out yeah it’s not pretty but he’s my boy how long is it going to take to kill him I don’t want to kill him this is why I’m no but for real for for real how long is it going to take to kill it well once you take those pills you can kill it like within about 3 days and you’re not taking the pills no I’m telling you guy you know I feel like I have a boy inside me well wait a minute like a child okay well good luck with that thank you if you see I want to see a photo of those bears the bears that have it it’s so disgusting it looks like like enormous spaghetti oh fall their ass oh

0:11:00.7 –>
have you ever been attacked by a bear no I’m here right I’m here You’ you look at that there are survivors and I that tapeworm coming out of his [ __ ] how crazy is that waa looks like he just got married you should put 10 cans on the end of those read that’s [ __ ] he’s just hoping someone steps on it so he can pull it out of his ass yeah looks like he was parachuting and he and he landed and he’s dragging the parachute I mean how insane is that wow it’s so I mean their whole body is just a disgusting mess yeah like when you eat bears you eat bear you I’ve eaten bear Grizz black bear black bear black bear black bear not Grizz no I’ve never had one of those what’s what’s why why’ you black bear we hunted them yeah yeah they have to but I heard it’s kind of a Musky kind of weird taste no it really depends on what they’ve been eating but most unfortunately most of those bears are probably eating calves moose calves and

0:12:01.7 –>
and fawns deer fawns they tasted good black bears are kind of like goats though they’ll eat just about anything they ate a lot do you know that in the early days the Pioneers used to eat bear and they’ use deer for skin say they just used deer skins they just used the the hide from Deer they were eating bear they ate bear more than they ate anything else is that right yeah a that crazy well maybe there was a reason for that because the bear was a threat to them so maybe it’s like let’s kill the thing that could kill our cattle or kill our children and let’s eat that versus the docile this is just a theory I just came up that’s a good theory that makes sense we definitely want to kill the thing that’s killing your food and if you could eat it too all the better and apparently they thought it tasted the most like beef whereas like venison is different yeah venison has its own taste mhm yeah so they ate a lot of bear black uh black bears are dangerous but Grizzles are the

0:13:02.1 –>
one you got to be careful about they’re all dangerous man they’re all bears I don’t know if can I can I share something with you please do I’m a blueberry nut like I I like I’m not like blueberries when blueberry season hits in early spring I’m I’m nuts about it how’s Demitri feel about that well you like celery don’t give him berries how dare you make fun of my boy Joe anyway blueberries so uh this was about seven years ago I’m up on a hill in bam out in Canada the Rocky Mountains Grizz you know Grizz and I’ll I’ll use a line from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang remember caradus pots he was the uh father to Dick van djk and he used this line where he’s singing he goes uh he’s doing a song and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and he does a line where he goes and the bear came a l uping over the mountain

0:14:01.4 –>
and I’m sitting there picking blueberries and this Behemoth comes flying over the hill so that was a grizzly bear it was a Grizz and uh when they attack they roll you they roll and Claw and uh I’ve never done this but you such a dork hey [ __ ] what do you mean well is that a real [ __ ] tattoo let me see that again let me see that again dude this is not easy for me to talk about let me see the bear came a loping over the mountain and uh that tattoo belongs to a mechanic and Idaho and you need to give it back to him show h

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